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Pain Scales & Safe Words

Submitted by MasterVoyer on Thu, 04/09/2015 - 14:05
 
The number scale is:
1 being wow, really? Hmm... I thought it was a feather duster.
5 being yeah I can really feel that and it's delicious.
7 being ooohhh I don't know that's really kind of painful
9 being I'm about to break
10 being END SCENE NOW!!!! Or if you go by color scale this would be RED.
 
For reference the color scale on a basic level:
Red: STOP, Stop now, I'm not playing.
Orange: OMG That hurts seriously this is a danger zone I can take it but it's way more than where I'd like to be.
Yellow: A little more than what I'd like its uncomfortable.
Green: Perfection couldn't be better.
Blue: I can take more, actually, would you add to this.
Indigo: Usually a start scene word. It's a beginning point so that you're not startled.
Violet: Oh, I'm sorry I dozed off, I was bored.
(Thanks PaintedPain for these two lists)
 
These are 2 scales for evaluating where a submissive is during a scene. While these are widely used in the community I believe there is a much more effective way to evaluate where a submissive is and (from my own experience) is just as
accurate (and in many instances safer) than the mentioned scales. It is observation by the Dominant.
 
Don't get me wrong, these number/color scales work great up to a point, and it is a way to increase communication between a Dominant and a submissive, but I know from experience that during a session when a submissive enters "sub
space" it is not uncommon for her to be unable to voice a safe word or anything else of relevance. Also I know of situations where damage can be done to a submissive without her being aware of it happening. In these situations the Dominant has to show good judgment and stop the session.
 
Under these circumstances Doms have been known to use the excuse "the submissive did not use her safe word, so how was I to know we had gone to far?" In this (so called) Dom's eyes he was absolved of guilt because the submissive was unable to "voice" what was happening to her.
 
In this situation they were both wrong. They had unrealistic expectations of how to safeguard the session. The submissive was wrong by thinking she (or he) would have total control over how the session would go, and the Dom was wrong by giving up responsibility for how the session goes thinking that everything it fine unless the submissive uses her safe word.
 
The truth of the matter is that the responsibility lies with the Dominant, ALWAYS. Safe words and color scales can be tools, but it is up to the Dominant to make sure the session is safe, proper precautions are taken and to ensure the submissive is safe at all times. He has to depend on much more than the submissive's vocal feedback, which may not always be honest. The Dominant needs to learn how to "read" a submissive's reactions and responses. There is a distinct difference in how one sounds with pleasurable pain versus unhealthy pain. There is a difference in how one's body moves when one is enjoying a flogging or when one's joint is being twisted beyond it's range of motion. There is also a difference in how one's face looks when one is getting ready to cum verses when one is ready to slip into unconsciousness, or is being completely unresponsive.
 
We need to depend more on common sense, watching, seeing, listening to tell where your partner is during a session.
 
When a Dominant is pushing a submissive he should be able to see that he is by the way she is responding. I know for myself, I very seldom would hear a "yellow" from a submissive unless I expect to hear one. And "red" I have never heard.
 
But I do my best to know EXACTLY where she is at all times.
 
So while number and color codes are good (though I do not believe in them, I do acknowledge it helps a submissive a lot when getting to know me to feel safe and to know there is an "escape clause" for her until we build a level of trust where she has no fear of being hurt or harmed.